


the stars above glance fateful stares (fallout is his breath of air)

by thylionheart



Series: if my heart was a house, you'd be home [1]
Category: A Wrinkle in Time (2018), Kairos (O'Keefe) Series - Madeleine L'Engle
Genre: Abusive Father, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Middle School, Movie Meg's primary love language is clearly physical touch, Physical Abuse, Post-Movie, Romance, Verbal Abuse, and I am ready to pull out the receipts if anyone disagrees
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-25
Updated: 2018-04-25
Packaged: 2019-04-26 06:07:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14395914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thylionheart/pseuds/thylionheart
Summary: Meg helps Calvin through the aftermath of confronting his father.





	the stars above glance fateful stares (fallout is his breath of air)

**Author's Note:**

> First things first, I must admit that I have only read snippets of the book. But as soon as I saw the end of the film, I knew I had to write a fic about what happens after Calvin goes home to talk to his dad. I have tried to include elements from what I know and have read of his character in the books, but most of his characterization in this fic is taken from the 2018 movie, as are, well, everyone else's. I hope I've done him and the rest of the characters justice!
> 
> The title is from the song Fallout by Liege Lord.

* * *

 

_“There are some things I need to say to my dad. Maybe now I can finally say them.”_

 

* * *

 

It was ridiculous, in Meg’s opinion—and not to mention unfair—that she should be expected to go to school just two days after her father’s return. The family should take the week off to relax and celebrate, she had reasoned, and while her mother had smiled and rubbed the top of her head affectionately, it was clear that no amount of sentimentality would change her mind. 

“Besides,” her mother had said with a wink, “Don’t you want to see Calvin?”

Meg had blushed and self-consciously dismissed her mother’s teasing. But, if she were to be honest, her mom was far from wrong; before, Meg had no one at school to talk to, no friend to turn to. Now she had Calvin. So when she walked into school Monday morning and saw him standing next to her locker, waiting for her, she couldn’t help a sheepishly bright smile from spreading across her face.

“Hey,” Calvin greeted her, his sunny grin matching her own. 

“Hey,” Meg echoed, ducking her head shyly.

“How’re you doing? And how’s your dad?”

She opened her locker and shoved some textbooks into her backpack before replying. “Better than I’ve been in a while. And, um, honestly, Dad’s still a little disoriented, but other than that he’s good. Really good.”

Her voice grew warm as she spoke of her father, and Calvin’s eyes softened in response. “I’m glad.”

“How about yours?”

He tilted his head at her question, confused, and Meg elaborated. “Your father. How did your talk with him go?”

“Oh.” Calvin’s face fell a bit and he glanced away. Then he shrugged. “It went…it went okay. Not great, but that’s not exactly surprising.”

Meg opened her mouth to reply, but was cut off by the bell, effectively ending their conversation. Calvin seemed relieved.

Together they started walking slowly to homeroom, chatting idly. As they neared the classroom, Calvin cracked a cheeky joke about Mrs. Whatsit and the Happy Medium. Meg laughed and reached over to poke him in the side. It was a playful gesture that she had picked up from her mother, who had often used it when teasing Meg’s father. But instead of squirming away with a lighthearted laugh like her dad always did, Calvin winced and stepped back. His face smoothed out quickly, but Meg still caught the brief flash of pain in his eyes.

“Are you hurt?” Meg asked, her brow knitting together.

“No,” Calvin responded much too quickly, averting his gaze. Meg frowned suspiciously as he continued. “No, I’m not, I just—hey, what—Meg!”

She had reached forward and grasped the hem of his shirt. Calvin looked frantically around the school hallway and tried to push her hands away, but not before Meg pulled up his shirt and revealed part of a large, purple bruise. She gasped quietly and took a step back. Calvin tugged his shirt back down and scanned the hallway, praying that no one else had seen anything. Thankfully the hallway was mostly deserted, save for a few straggling students who were too interested in getting to class on time to notice them.

“Meg, I—“ Calvin began, but she cut him off by grabbing his wrist and dragging him across the hall into the empty music room. “Meg, what are you doing, the late bell’ll be ringing any minute now, we can’t skip—“

She dropped his hand and her backpack before whirling on him. “Did your father do that to you?”

He couldn’t meet her eyes. “No, I…I ran into a table. It’s nothing, Meg, please, can we go now?”

The tardy bell rang and he made to leave. Meg blocked his path. “Calvin, if your dad is hitting you, you gotta tell someone. My—my parents, or Principal Jenkins, or—“

“He’s not hitting me!” Calvin’s voice shook. “I’m his son, he wouldn’t...he wouldn’t...” 

Meg walked forward and raised his shirt again. Calvin made no effort to stop her this time. She lifted the hem higher than before, uncovering the entirety of the ugly bruise. It was mottled with varying shades of black and blue and was about the size of a softball—about the size of a man’s fist.

“I’m supposed to believe that you got this from bumping into a table?” Meg asked quietly.

Calvin didn’t reply. A lump formed in his throat and he tried to swallow it, blinking away tears that threatened to fall.

She saw the sheen in his eyes and stepped closer. “Calvin, you followed me to the ends of the universe to help me get my father back. Let me return the favor—let me help you. Please, tell me what happened.”

He shook his head. His voice cracked when he spoke. “He—I—I tried to talk to him when I got home the other night, l-like I told you I would. But I—I spoke out of turn, I disrespected him, I—“

“No, Calvin, this is _not_ your fault,” Meg whispered. “He shouldn’t treat you this way. You don’t deserve to be treated this way.”

A tear rolled down his cheek; he brusquely wiped it away with the sleeve of his jacket. “Appearances.” His tone was bitter. “He only cares about appearances. That’s the only reason he—he avoided my face.”

“Oh, _Calvin._ ” Meg’s eyes stung with tears, and she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him close. Calvin melted into her embrace, burying his face in her hair. His chest shuddered with each unsteady breath until finally a muffled sob slipped out. Meg held him tighter.

They stood holding each other for several minutes before Meg spoke up softly. “Cal, we have to tell someone. My parents, they’d help you in a heartbeat—“

“No.” He pulled away. He rubbed at his eyes and sniffed.

“Cal—“

“Not your parents. They—they’re still adjusting. They have enough on their minds right now.”

Meg pursed her lips. “Principal Jenkins, then.”

Silence.

“Calvin, please,” she begged. “What was it Mrs Who told you? ‘Life without love—“

“—‘is like a tree without blossoms or fruit’,” Calvin finished quietly, pensively. He took a deep, shaking breath and ran his fingers through his hair. “Okay. Okay, I’ll—I’ll tell him. Will you—” His voice pitched and he cleared his throat before continuing meekly. “Um, will you come with me? Please?”

“Of course.”

 

* * *

 

Five minutes later, the two kids walked down the empty hallway to the school office. When they reached the door Calvin hesitated, and Meg could see his confidence wavering. She gently clasped his trembling hand and gave him a soft smile. Calvin met her gaze and smiled weakly at her in return. Together, hand-in-hand, they stepped inside. The door to the principal’s inner office was open and they could see Principal Jenkins working over a stack of papers at his desk.

Meg felt uncomfortable standing in the doorway of the same office she had impudently breezed out of just last week, but she straightened her back and swallowed her pride. She was here for Calvin, and that was all that mattered.

Reaching forward, Meg knocked twice on the door. Jenkins raised his head.

“Meg,” he said, setting down his pen. When he saw Calvin, he raised his eyebrows and his tone conveyed surprise. “And Calvin, hello.”

“Hi, Principal Jenkins,” Meg replied. Calvin simply nodded in greeting. His face had paled and he looked as if he might be sick.

It was then that Principal Jenkins noticed their entwined hands for the first time. A line of suspicion creased his brow. “What are you two doing out of class together?”

Meg flushed at the implication behind his words and would have likely snapped brashly at him if Calvin had not spoken first. “I need to talk to you.”

Jenkins appeared taken aback. “Alright. Come on in and take a seat. Meg, you can go back to class now.”

Alarmed, Calvin’s grip on her hand tightened. Meg blinked and spluttered. “No, wait, I—“

“Margaret.” Principal Jenkins gave her a no-nonsense look and she wilted.

“Does she have to go?” Calvin asked. His voice was barely above a whisper.

Jenkins nodded, his mouth set in a thin, solemn line. Swallowing thickly, Calvin turned to Meg. She took his hand in both of hers and gave him an encouraging nod.

“You’ll be okay. Okay?”

Calvin looked to be on the verge of tears, but he stood a little straighter at her words and nodded in return. “Yeah...yeah, okay.”

They untwined their hands and Meg left the room. Calvin gave her one last nervous glance before he closed the door behind her.

 

* * *

 

Meg sat in first period, tapping her pen anxiously against her desk. She stared at the door and watched as students filed lazily in. Her stomach ached with worry.

After leaving Calvin in Jenkins’ office, Meg had spent each period until the final bell watching the classroom door, waiting for him to come back to class. But Calvin never returned, and she hadn’t seen him in the halls between periods or after school either. When she tried to call him that evening, his phone had gone straight to voicemail. Now she searched for him in the slow stream of students walking into homeroom.

Meg had nearly decided to ditch class and march into Jenkins’ office demanding to know what had transpired when she finally spotted a familiar mop of brown hair. Her tense muscles relaxed and she breathed a sigh of relief. But her relief was short-lived and quickly lapsed back into concern when she saw the hollow look in his eyes and the listless way he walked. She stood and met him in the middle of the aisle.

“What happened?”

Calvin kept his eyes on the ground. He swallowed, but just as he opened his mouth to speak the bell tolled sharply. He flinched.

“Cal...” Meg began, but he shook his head.

“Not right now, Meg,” Calvin whispered. He brushed past her and took his seat.

Meg sat back down slowly, feeling cold with dread.

Class seemed to last forever. Meg couldn’t concentrate, restlessly scrawling dark circles in her notebook. 

Something had clearly gone wrong. Had she been wrong to convince Calvin to confide in Principal Jenkins? Had Calvin even told him the truth? Meg frowned. She should have fought harder to stay with Calvin, to be there for him, to encourage and reassure him, to stand by his side and hold his hand—

Her pen tore through the lined paper, and she started a new circle.

Three agonizing hours passed before Meg could speak to Calvin alone. When lunch began they met at Calvin’s locker and walked silently to the vacant front courtyard. 

Meg made to sit down on a cement planter, but Calvin caught her sleeve. He met her gaze for the first time that day and she gasped.

Calvin’s eyes were puffy and bloodshot as if he hadn’t slept. His face was ashen and his voice was hoarse when he spoke. “They dropped the case.”

“What?” Meg gaped at him. “How—what—“

“I told—and showed—Principal Jenkins what happened. He called Child Protective Services...and then my father.” He closed his eyes and wiped at his nose with his free hand, sniffing. “When the social worker got there, she looked at my bruise and heard my side of the story, and then she...she left to speak to my father. Apparently, she also called my dad’s firm and our neighbors and talked to some teachers and—and I don’t know who else. I-I stayed in Jenkins’ office with him until like—like two hours after school had ended, when the lady came back.”

Calvin’s hands balled into tight fists and he blinked slowly. It took him a minute to continue.

“H-He convinced her that I...that I made it up, that I got the bruise during gym class and was just trying to get attention because his firm’s been so busy with a new suit.” A bitter, mirthless laugh caught in his throat. “The social worker called him a—a ‘well-respected member of the community’, and the other teachers she spoke with told her they didn’t see ‘anything in my previous behavior to indicate an abusive or neglectful home life’.”

Meg could hardly contain her rage. She began pacing angrily, gesturing wildly with her arms. “How could they just—just drop it like that? Just because your dad’s a lawyer? Just because you’re _kind_? That’s—what complete, absolute, utter bull—“

Calvin cut her off, grasping her hand and pulling her back close to him. A couple tears had escaped and streaked down his cheeks. She felt a sharp pang in her chest at the sight and tugged her sleeve down over her palm, using it to gently wipe them away. Calvin leaned into her touch with a sigh.

“It’s my word against his,” he whispered.

A sudden thought sank coldly into Meg’s bones. Calvin’s father knew that he had reported the abuse. And if he knew, and no charges had been filed…

“Cal...what did your dad do after he found out?”

Calvin cringed and avoided her gaze. Meg thought he wasn’t going to answer her and was surprised when he spoke.

“He screamed at me. That wasn’t anything new.” Even though his words were almost dismissive, his voice still cracked. He cleared his throat and continued, quieter now. “He was swearing, and he threw some stuff around—not—not at me, b-but close, and then he—he grabbed the front of my—my shirt and—he grabbed me—and—I—”

Calvin’s breathing grew shallow and erratic. Abruptly he turned away from Meg, eyes glassy and unfocused. Meg grabbed his arm when he swayed unsteadily and helped him sit down.

“Cal? Calvin, can you hear me?” Meg asked frantically, holding his shoulders. “Oh—Calvin—breathe, alright? Just breathe...slowly, uh, with me, see...breathe, Calvin, please, just breathe...I’m right here, Cal, I’m right here...”

Calvin found his breath only to let out a strangled sob. “He—He held me against the wall. His arm was pressed hard against my chest and I—I couldn’t—I couldn’t _breathe_ , Meg. And then he told me that if I—if I ever cry wolf again, I better hope that—that h-he’ll—he’ll leave a—a mark.”

And with that, any shred of composure Calvin had left shattered, and he doubled over and started to cry. Wrapping her arm around his trembling frame, Meg drew him into a tight embrace. Hot, angry tears brimmed in her eyes. Her heart felt torn in two; one half aching with pity, the other on fire with rage. She wanted to march into Principal Jenkins’ office right then and there and rip into him for failing Calvin, and then find Mr. O’Keefe and unleash her wrath on him as well.

But she stifled her anger and swallowed her rage. Anger wasn’t what Calvin needed, not right now. And so Meg held him fiercely as his shoulders shook with breathless sobs. 

When Calvin finally pulled away, he covered his face and vigorously wiped his tear-stained cheeks. “I-I’m sorry, I’m sorry—“

“Hey, stop,” Meg gently grabbed his wrists and lowered his hands away from his face. “Stop. You have _nothing_ to be sorry for. _Nothing_.”

Calvin looked at her with eyes so blue she forgot for a moment why they shimmered with tears. “Meg…I don’t know what to do.”

“Come to my house after school, we can talk to my parents and try—“

“I can’t. I can’t do anything that might make my dad angrier than he already is. And if he thinks that I’m running away, or telling anyone else what happened, or—or whatever else he might think, then…”

A weighty silence followed. Meg shifted restlessly and cast her gaze to the ground. She knew he was right, but the thought of him going home to his sorry excuse for a father made her stomach twist into tortuous knots.

“Then…whenever it’s safe, don’t hesitate to come over. My mom loved having you for dinner last week, and my dad keeps asking me when I’m gonna invite you over again anyway. And Charles Wallace told me that if I didn’t, he would.”

For the first time that day Calvin smiled, albeit weakly. “I do miss the little guy.”

Meg was still holding his wrists. Slowly Calvin readjusted his hands until he could comfortably thread his fingers through hers. “I’ll come over as soon as I can,” he whispered.

“As soon as it’s safe.”

Calvin nodded a silent promise. He leaned forward and rested his head on Meg’s shoulder with a sigh. She released his hands and slung her arm around his shoulders, pulling him into a hug. She rubbed circles on his back and he sighed again. While the first sigh had been forlorn, the second almost sounded content.

Almost.

 

* * *

 

Nearly two weeks later, Calvin snuck out of his house. It was a Saturday morning, and his father was at the firm pouring over legal documents with his coworkers. Calvin was thankful that the troublesome suit that had recently put him in a worse mood than usual had resolved successfully; otherwise, he might not have been brave enough to leave home, even though his father was all the way across town. 

Charles Wallace must have seen him approaching from his bedroom window. Before Calvin even stepped onto the front walkway the six-year-old barreled through the door with a loud squeal of delight. Charles Wallace threw himself at the older boy, jumping into his arms and almost tackling him to the ground. 

“I knew you’d come back!” Charles Wallace squeezed him tightly, and Calvin couldn’t help but wonder if fierce hugs were the Murry family’s specialty.

Once Charles Wallace was back on his own two feet, Calvin mussed his hair with a smile. “How’re you doing, bud? I’ve missed you.”

Before Charles Wallace could reply, the door behind him creaked open. The boys looked to see Meg standing on the porch, smiling at them.

It was peculiar, to say the least, what Calvin felt whenever he was with Meg. It was as though his life were a one thousand-piece puzzle, dumped carelessly at his feet, left for him to tediously construct piece by piece, alone. Classmates and teachers would pass by, oohing and ahhing over the measly sections he had managed to fit together, never noticing just how insignificant his efforts truly were. Whenever his father lashed out it was as if he were kicking at the partially constructed puzzle, scattering pieces left and right, impeding Calvin’s progress and forcing him to start all over. 

But the minute he met Meg—actually, truly met her—he felt, for the first time, as though he weren’t alone. Now he had someone with him, sitting before the puzzle of his life, helping him pick up the pieces and put them back in place, together.

“Hey,” Calvin said softly as Meg walked up to them. 

He was surprised when, in lieu of a greeting, she threw her arms around him with as much fervor as Charles Wallace had just a minute ago.

“I’m glad it’s safe,” she whispered.

Calvin’s throat burned and his voice rasped slightly when he spoke. “Me too.”

Inside, Dr. and Dr. Murry were sitting in the den, perusing a large textbook of sorts laying open on the coffee table before them. When Dr. Kate saw him she stood, a bright smile spreading across her face.

“Calvin! What a pleasant surprise.” She shot a seemingly knowing look at Meg, who pretended not to notice.

Dr. Alex stood as well, his expression more thoughtful than welcoming.

“It’s good to see you again, sir,” Calvin said politely, holding out his hand to shake. Dr. Alex eyed his hand for a brief moment before his face split into a broad grin. He laughed and surprised Calvin further by pulling him into a hug.

Yep, hugs were definitely the Murrys’ specialty.

“It’s good to see you too, kiddo,” Meg’s father said warmly, patting him on the shoulder. “And please, call me Dad.”

“Alex!” Dr. Kate scolded her husband while Meg made a spluttering noise behind them.

Dr. Alex laughed again. “Alright, alright—not just yet.”

“Dad!” Meg squeaked, her cheeks flushing. Calvin tried not to smile at the picture his words invoked.

Charles Wallace, who had been watching with a giddy grin, stepped up to Calvin and tugged on his hand. “Come on upstairs, I wanna show you my new book! It’s about the Andromeda Galaxy.”

“I’d love to, little guy. But first, I, uh,” he gave Meg a meaningful glance, and her eyes grew a little wider before she nodded in solemn understanding, “I gotta talk to your parents.”

Dr. and Dr. Murry exchanged a look. Placing her hands on Charles Wallace’s shoulders, Meg began steering him toward the stairs. “Go upstairs and mark the pages you wanna show him, alright?”

Charles Wallace pouted. “You’re just trying to get rid of me because you’re all gonna talk about adult stuff and you don’t want me to listen.” 

His sister crossed her arms and gave him a firm stare, and he rolled his eyes before scampering upstairs.

Meg and Calvin sat on the couch while her parents settled into armchairs directly across from them. Calvin’s heart pounded and he began wringing his hands nervously. He knew he needed to tell them what was going on, but knowing and doing were two separate beasts of burden.

Suddenly Meg reached out and took his hand, squeezing it encouragingly. Calvin swallowed and ran his fingers through his hair.

Dr. Alex raised his eyebrow, looking between the two kids and their clasped hands. “Is this the ‘may I have permission to date your daughter’ talk? Because if so—“

His wife cut him off by smacking him lightly on the arm. Meg had gone beet red and Calvin felt a blush creeping up his own neck as well.

“No,” he said, biting back an _I wish_. “It’s...it’s about my father.”

Slowly Calvin told Meg’s parents about his father’s temper, his harsh and disparaging words, and finally, his violent tendencies. His voice shook as he explained how their daughter had convinced him to confide in their principal, and the fallout of that decision. Partway through his account his breath caught in his throat, and he had to take a moment to compose himself. As he did, Meg scooted closer, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. Calvin reached up and covered her hand with his own, her supportive presence giving him the strength to continue.

By the time he finished, Dr. Alex was pacing the floor, flexing his fingers. Calvin couldn’t help but note how similar the action was to Meg’s own agitated habit. He waited anxiously as Dr. Kate studied the floor with a frown and furrowed brow. When she finally looked up at Calvin her eyes were dark with pity. 

Sighing, Dr. Kate turned her gaze upon her daughter. “Meg, you knew and didn’t tell us?”

“I asked her not to,” Calvin jumped to Meg’s defense without hesitation. “I knew you were still adjusting to—to all that’s happened, and I didn’t want to give you another unnecessary burden to worry about.”

“You’re not a burden,” Dr. Kate argued at the same time that her husband said, “That’s no excuse.”

Meg cast her eyes downward, ashamed.

But Calvin shook his head. “Would it really have made a difference?” His voice trembled and pitched. “I already told Principal Jenkins. And what came of that? Child Protective Services investigated and dismissed everything, even after they saw my bruise. They believed my dad’s story over mine. What more do I have now than I did then? Nothing, that’s what. No proof, no witnesses, _nothing_.”

“You have us,” Meg spoke up now. When he looked at her he saw tears shimmering in her eyes. She took both his hands in hers and grasped them tightly. “You have a safe place to go.” She turned to her parents. “Right?”

“Of course,” Dr. Kate said. She left her armchair and knelt in front of him. Her husband followed a moment later. “Calvin, you are always welcome in this home.“

Putting a hand on Calvin’s back, Dr. Alex spoke in a low voice. “Do not hesitate to come over if you don’t feel safe. You hear me?”

A wave of security more powerful than he had ever felt before swept over Calvin and he doubled over, overwhelmed. He bit back a sob as he felt Meg’s arms curl around him, followed a second later by Dr. Kate’s. When Dr. Alex joined in it was too much to bear, and Calvin began to cry. He couldn’t remember the last time his own father had held him as warmly as Meg’s father did now.

In an hour, Calvin would be sprawled across Charles Wallace’s bed, listening earnestly as the younger boy showed him intricate celestial photos and spouted brilliant facts about stars and space. Later in the evening, he would be unable to suppress his urge to kiss Meg under the warm porch lights, and together the two would share shy smiles and soft laughter before she kissed him again. And that night he would go home to a cold house with suffocating walls and joyless memories, and he would lie in bed and pretend to be asleep when his father came home. He would text Meg good night and grin like an idiot when she sent him a blushing smile and yellow heart in response.

But until then, Calvin sat enfolded in the tight embrace of the people who, he now knew, loved him more than his father did, and likely ever would.

And though his face was streaked with tears, he felt as though he had taken his first breath of air in years.

He was finally home.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! ♥︎


End file.
